Quotes And Sayings About Alcohol & Drinking

I drink only to make my friends seem interesting. ~Don Marquis

I prefer to think that God is not dead, just drunk. ~John Marcellus Huston

Take life with a grain of salt, a slice of lime, and a shot of tequila. ~Author Unknown

Zen martini: A martini with no vermouth at all. And no gin, either. ~P.J. O’Rourke

I believe that when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade — and then try to find someone whose life is giving them vodka, and have a party. ~Ron White

It is most absurdly said, in popular language, of any man, that he is disguised in liquor; for, on the contrary, most men are disguised by sobriety. ~Thomas de Quincy, Confessions of an English Opium-Eater, 1856

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors… and miss. ~Robert Heinlein

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy. ~W.C. Fields

Woman first tempted man to eat; he took to drinking of his own accord. ~Four Hundred Laughs: Or, Fun Without Vulgarity, compiled and edited by John R. Kemble, 1902

Work is the curse of the drinking classes. ~Oscar Wilde

If you know someone who tries to drown their sorrows, you might tell them sorrows know how to swim. ~Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Champagne, if you are seeking the truth, is better than a lie detector. It encourages a man to be expansive, even reckless, while lie detectors are only a challenge to tell lies successfully. ~Graham Greene

We borrowed golf from Scotland as we borrowed whiskey. Not because it is Scottish, but because it is good. ~Horace Hutchinson

Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy, I’ve done it a thousand times. ~W.C. Fields

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. ~Winston Churchill

Know thyself, especially thyself after a couple of drinks. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com

What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk? ~Jack Handey

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water. ~W.C. Fields

If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt. ~Dean Martin

Never cry over spilt milk. It could’ve been whiskey. ~”Pappy” Maverick, in Maverick

The bad taste of alcohol is there to clue in your body that you shouldn’t drink it. Luckily I don’t fall for “appeal to nature” fallacies. ~Corey Mohler, @existentialcoms

The chief reason for drinking is the desire to behave in a certain way, and to be able to blame it on alcohol. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960

If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat — in other words, turn you into an adult. ~P.J. O’Rourke

I like liquor — its taste and its effects — and that is just the reason why I never drink it. ~Stonewall Jackson

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth. ~George Burns

If we take habitual drunkards as a class, their heads and their hearts will bear an advantageous comparison with those of any other class. There seems ever to have been a proneness in the brilliant and warm-blooded to fall in to this vice. The demon of intemperance ever seems to have delighted in sucking the blood of genius and generosity. ~Abraham Lincoln, address to the Washington Temperance Society, Springfield, Illinois, 22 February 1842

O God, that men should put an enemy in their mouths to steal away their brains! that we should, with joy, pleasance, revel, and applause, transform ourselves into beasts! ~William Shakespeare, Othello

Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living. ~Jean Kerr

Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life. ~George Bernard Shaw

Irish queer: a fellow who prefers women to drink. ~Seán Ó Faoláin

Alcohol is a misunderstood vitamin. ~P.G. Wodehouse

I’m not an alcoholic. Alcoholics go to meetings. I’m a drunk. We go to parties. ~Author Unknown

Stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don’t drink too much. Then again, don’t drink too little. ~Herman “Jackrabbit” Smith-Johannsen

I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won’t let himself get snotty about it. ~Raymond Chandler

One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough. ~James Thurber

I don’t get drunk — I get awesome. ~Author Unknown

Memory impairment: the free prize at the bottom of every vodka bottle. ~Big Bang Theory, “The Agreement Dissection” (season 4, episode 21, original airdate April 28, 2011), written by Lorre, Prady, Molaro, Kaplan, Goetsch, and Gorodetsky, spoken by the character Sheldon Cooper

Everyone who drinks is not a poet. Some of us drink because we’re not poets. ~From the movie Arthur

First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. ~Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald

Don’t trust a brilliant idea unless it survives the hangover. ~Jimmy Breslin

Teetotalers lack the sympathy and generosity of men that drink. ~W.H. Davies

Everybody should believe in something; I believe I’ll have another drink. ~Author Unknown

I drink exactly as much as I want, and one drink more. ~H.L. Mencken

Where ever I go, there I am. Drunk. ~Rita E. Torres

Drunkenness is temporary suicide. ~Bertrand Russell, The Conquest of Happiness

If drinking is interfering with your work, you’re probably a heavy drinker. If work is interfering with your drinking, you’re probably an alcoholic. ~Author Unknown

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it’s compounding a felony. ~Robert Benchley

I don’t think I’ve ever drunk champagne before breakfast before. With breakfast on several occasions, but never before before. ~From the movie Breakfast at Tiffany’s, 1961, screenplay by George Axelrod, based on the novella by Truman Capote, spoken by the character Paul Varjak

Upon occasion we should go as far as intoxication…. Drink washes cares away, stirs the mind from its lowest depths…. But in liberty moderation is wholesome, and so it is in wine…. We ought not indulge too often, for fear the mind contract a bad habit, yet it is right to draw it toward elation and release and to banish dull sobriety for a little. ~Lucius Annaeus Seneca, “On Tranquillity of Mind”

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. ~Henny Youngman

Drinking makes you happy with your body the way it is. ~Philip Rosenthal & Mike Royce, Everybody Loves Raymond, “Not So Fast” (season 9, episode 2), original airdate 2004 September 27th, spoken by the character Robert Barone, based on the comedy of Ray Romano

Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness. ~Seneca

Age and wedlock bring a man to his nightcap. ~William Camden’s Remaines, c.1605

[O]ne sip of this
Will bathe the drooping spirits in delight
Beyond the bliss of dreams.
~John Milton

To good eating belongs good drinking. ~German Proverb

If food hath slain its thousands, then drink has slain its tens of thousands. ~William Kitchiner, Directions for Invigorating and Prolonging Life, 1831

Brandy, n. A cordial composed of one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-grave and four parts clarified Satan. ~Ambrose Bierce

If four or five guys tell you that you’re drunk, even though you know you haven’t had a thing to drink, the least you can do is to lie down a little while. ~Joseph Schenck

Vodka is just awesome water. ~Author Unknown

I’d prefer to have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy. ~Frank Nicholson, attributed

Whoever takes just plain ginger ale soon gets drowned out of the conversation. ~Kin Hubbard

The nut-brown ale and the fine old gin
Right pleasantly they do suck.
~Charles Stuart Calverley, “Striking,” Verses and Translations, 1862

Your body is a temple, but keep the spirits on the outside. ~Author Unknown

Why don’t you slip out of those wet clothes and into a dry Martini? ~Robert Benchley

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the heard is hunted, it is the lowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that is why you always feel smarter after a few beers. ~Author Unknown

Drink the first. Sip the second slowly. Skip the third. ~Knute Rockne

It’s like an angel crying on your tongue. ~The Mentalist, “My Bloody Valentine,” written by Bruno Heller and Tom Szentgyorgyi, spoken by the character Patrick Jane, about alcohol

I envy people who drink—at least they know what to blame everything on. ~Oscar Levant

They speak of my drinking, but never think of my thirst. ~Scottish Proverb

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar. ~Drew Carey

Candy is dandy
But liquor is quicker.
~Ogden Nash, Reflection on Ice-Breaking

Hard work, worry and whiskey are the friends of man. ~Martin H. Fischer (1879–1962)

I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day. ~Frank Sinatra

If you must drink and drive, drink Pepsi. ~Author unknown, as seen on a bumper sticker

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. ~Henny Youngman

Health — what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down. ~Phyllis Diller

What’s drinking?
A mere pause from thinking!
~George Gordon, Lord Byron, The Deformed Transformed

How come if alcohol kills millions of brain cells, it never killed the ones that made me want to drink? ~Author Unknown

A man ought not never to get drunk above the neck. ~Author Unknown

Life’s a waste of time, time’s a waste of life so let’s all get wasted and have the time of our life. ~Author Unknown

The drunk mind speaks the sober heart. ~Author Unknown

One reason I don’t drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time. ~Lady Astor

A woman drove me to drink and I never even had the courtesy to thank her. ~W.C. Fields

I’ll stick with gin. Champagne is just ginger ale that knows somebody. ~M*A*S*H, Hawkeye, “Ceasefire,” 1973

I’m going to be around until the Atomic Energy Commission finds a safe place to bury my liver. ~Phil Harris

No animal ever invented anything so bad as drunkenness — or so good as drink. ~Lord Chesterton

Come, landlord, fill a flowing bowl, until it does run over;
To-night we all will merry be, to-morrow we’ll get sober.
~Popular song, c.1700s

The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober. ~William Butler Yeats

The harsh, useful things of the world, from pulling teeth to digging potatoes, are best done by men who are as starkly sober as so many convicts in the death-house, but the lovely and useless things, the charming and exhilarating things, are best done by men with, as the phrase is, a few sheets in the wind. ~H.L. Mencken, Prejudices, Fourth Series, 1924

The first thing in the human personality that dissolves in alcohol is dignity. ~Author Unknown

No poems can please for long or live that are written by water-drinkers. ~Horace (Quintus Horatius Flaccus), Satires

The first glass is a sedative, the second a psychologist, the third glass an excuse, and the fourth a lobotomy. ~Terri Guillemets

Of the demonstrably wise there are but two: those who commit suicide, and those who keep their reasoning faculties atrophied by drink. ~Mark Twain, Note-Book, 1935

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. ~Ernest Hemingway

A full Vine bending, like an Arch, and under
The blown God Bacchus, fitting on a Hogshead,
His Altar Beer: before that, a plump Vinter
Kneeling, and offering Incense to his Deity…
[A]nd then comes thy Song… The drinking Song…
Drink today and drown all Sorrow,
You shall perhaps not do it to morrow.
Best while you have it use your Breath,
There is no drinking after Death. //
Wine works the Heart up, makes the Wit,
There is no Cure ‘gainst Age but it… //
Then let us swill, Boys, for our Health;
Who drinks well, loves the Commonwealth.
And he that will to Bed go sober,
Falls with the Leaf still in October.
~Francis Beaumont and John Fletcher, The Bloody Brother; or, Rollo, a Tragedy, 1718 (Act II, Scene II)